DoS jokes

How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?

Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."

Two pedophiles talking to each other:

"Do you got two fives for one ten?"

How do you pet a psychopath's cat?

You get it out of the microwave.

Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.

Three Europeans come to America. They all get captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. However, the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

The first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass, laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed. But you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, "Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!"

What do you call a blind German?

A notsee.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.

Why do vegetarians give good head?

Because they’re used to eating nuts.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.

What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?

A bath bomb.

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

What do Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common? They both get turned on by kids.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.