What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"
DoS Jokes
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
What do you call a Chinese man with a camera?
Phill Ming.
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
What do you call a Mexican midget?
A paragraph, because he’s not a full Esé.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven?
Your hairline is so bad, the cops had to do a breathalyzer test on your barber.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Identical.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Why do emo people want to be called scene now? The only thing I've seen from them is their suicide rate climbing.
What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?
- Carlos.
How do you help a suicidal person cheer up?
You tell them it's a leap of faith.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
