Door jokes

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”

*Apple bottom jeans plays*

How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?

Go through the dumbbell door.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

Fat people are the reason we have double doors.

Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."

Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?

Because there is never anyone at the door.

"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."

"What's been going on, John?" I asked.

"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.

The dirty bastard!

What's the difference between a blonde and a car door? The harder you slam the blonde, the looser it gets.

Knock knock. Who's there? Crippling depression. Crippling depression who? Me.

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?

They only have a back door.

Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

Why's it so hard to come out of the closet? Just open the door!

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!

Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.

Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.

The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.

The son comes outside and steps on a crack.

The dad then dies in a car crash.