Door jokes

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!

----> [] get in the door.

What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?

She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.

Which room has no doors and no windows?

A blind man walks into a bar, and a table, and a door, and a staircase.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.

A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!

Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"

Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."

Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"

Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"

The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"

The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."

The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"

"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"

Knock, knock!

Who's there?

Your.

Your who?

Your hoochie coochie stinks.

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

You're so skinny, you can barely fit through a door crack.

Why would doors do well on social media?

Everyone looks for their handles.

Knock, knock.

"Who's there?"

"Ash."

"Ash who?"

"Bless you!"

Why did the chicken cross the road? To visit the idiot.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

The chicken who?

*Silence*

Hi, Larry.

Bye, Larry.

What do you call a door that's a man? A door, man.

What's the difference between an orange?

A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.