Dont jokes

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.

what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?

don't leave me hanging.

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man.

I don't understand why, when I went to the shooting range today, the police came. Like, bro, I always go to elementary schools.

The best joke in the world is me.

Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.

Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.

Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.

A man comes home and hears his wife talking about having sex at the club. The man busts into the club with a revolver and says, "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE?" Well, everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says, "Mate, you don't have enough bullets."

I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.

Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.

Why are washers better than babies?

Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.

Guy: I don't, I see your mom.

Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"