Dont jokes
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Don't bother; just try to live in England.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Rey: Join me, Ben, you don't have to be alone anymore, join me.
Ben: But Rey, I've always been solo.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.
The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"
The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"
The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."
How do you tell the difference between a Palestinian elementary school and a terrorist training camp?
Answer... I don't know, I just fly the drone.
Doctor: You don't have long to live. 10...
Patient: Ten what? Ten years, ten months?
Doctor: 9... 8... 7...
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
I usually don’t make school shooting jokes.
Because they’re aimed at a younger audience.