Dont jokes

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.

“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”

“From my father,” said Johnny.

“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”

“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.

Hi, this is a good prank I did.

So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA

(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)

Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)

What is a Mexican's favorite sport??

Cross country because they don't need to be in America. Mexico was made for them.

What's the difference between Fortnite and PUBG?

I don't know.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

Please don't kill [me].

So I walked into this bar and thought, "Wow, this is a dull joke."

I don't like jokes.

How do you know you are blessed by God?

You don’t laugh at, make light of, or enjoy the evils and suffering people are inflicting on themselves and upon each other.

What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"

What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"

Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!

Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!

Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!

Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!

What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!

I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.

A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?

It was a failure because:

South Americans don’t know the word “please.”

Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”

Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”

Balkans don’t know the word “give.”

Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”

Africans don’t know the word “food.”

Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”

Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”

Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”

Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?

A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

Papyrus: Sans, your jokes are bad!

Sans: I don’t care; I got thick skin.

Why did the turtle cross the road?

We don't know yet.

OOF dislike plz I have no life XD.

All of these jokes are DED sub to pewdipie.

What do girls have that boys don’t have? Bobbies.

Why can’t orphans have dad jokes? Because they don’t got one.