Dont jokes
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
What do you call a guy named Kaiden?
I don't know, lol.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
"Hey, what does IDK mean?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, then I am going to ask someone else."
When you don't wear earrings for a long time, the hole can close, and it hurts so much when you want to put it back. 🙄🙄 😁😁😁🤣
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
Yo mama so fat, when she had an interview for NASA, they said, "We don't hire planets."
Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Why don't Chinese people believe in Santa Claus?
They're the ones that make the toys.
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.