Dont jokes

A vampire goes to the bakery.

Vampire: "One bun, please."

Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"

Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."

What’s the difference between a life and a nuclear bomb?

I don’t have a life.

What's funny about sex? I don't get it.

Why don't orphans have Life360?

Because parents won't track them.

Men and women are not equal, speaking biologically and mentally. I don't care what other feminists say. Men are naturally physically stronger, while women are more mentally stable (sometimes). The internet and the media will lie. You feminists say that you are stronger. Well, you wish. You can't hit a girl because she is more sensitive, but she says she is stronger. Like, what the hell?

We're not sexist men; you're sexist women. And BTW, you'll rot in hell for hating God's creation. And also, men were created before women. Search it up in the Bible or online.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

What’s the best thing about midgets??

They don’t need to bend while giving blowjobs.

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

I don't blame Amber Heard for wanting Elon Musk, especially if Johnny Depp is hairy and smells like a port-o-potty full of cigarettes and gunsmoke.

I don’t usually tell 9/11 jokes, they usually crash and burn.

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.

I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.

I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.

What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.

Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.

Joe Biden is the first president in history to have a vice president on record claiming they believed sexual harassment allegations against him.

I don't know about you, but I think that's a pretty big elephant in the room!

I wish I could follow you, though.

But you need an account so I could follow you, but you don't have one. :'(

I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.