Dont jokes
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?"
"Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.
Don't touch my bot.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food!
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."
What do you call a chair with a hat?
I don't know; the real question is, why was the chair wearing a hat?
"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.
Puerto Rican teen: I'm a waste, a failure, NUNCA LO PODRA ASER (I'll never be able to do it).
The mother: AI NINO (OH CHILD).
The teen: QUE? (WHAT?)
The mother: NO TE PONGA CON ESTA MIELDA OTRAVES! (DON'T START WITH THIS SHIT AGAIN!)
The teen: I CAN'T DO SHIT RIGHT MAMA!
The mother: OOOHHH YEAH WELL TU SI PUEDES ABLAR MIELDA DE TI, I BOTAR BASURA! (YOU SURE CAN TALK CRAP ABOUT YOURSELF AND THROW OUT THE TRASH.)
The teen: QUAL (WHICH).
The mother: MADRE DE DIOS (MOTHER OF GOD).
The teen: AVIA UNA NEGRA I OTRA BLANKA (THERE WAS A BLACK ONE AND WHITE ONE).
*A phone buzzes.*
The teen: Whose phone is that, ma?
Unknown: MR. PRESIDENT IF YOU TAKE AWAY THE CONFEDERATE FLAG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THE BAD WHITE PEOPLE ARE?
*Runs to bag, opens white one and sticks hand in.*
The teen: HAIR GEL
Don't adopt people, or else your parents are gonna say you're ACTUALLY adopted, k thx. No jokes anymore, bye.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!
Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.
"Hippity hoppity, don't abolish my property!"
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."