Dont jokes
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
My life, get it, 'cause I don't got one.
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. š¼
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
I have no puns because I don't play soccer.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kaneās, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I donāt give a fuck about what you say.
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something :D
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
I was gonna tell a rumor about butter, but I donāt want to spread it.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It don't matter what you call it. It ain't coming.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I canāt.
Girl: My parents arenāt home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I donāt have.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Who are you to believe if you don't believe in unicorns?
Why do guys hold their ball sack when they run?
Because they don't have titties.