Dont jokes
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
A wise man once said, "don't think young, think tight." He was a priest.
Don't touch my pickles - they are very picklish.
I like my coffee the way I like jokes about my coffee, I don't.
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥
Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
What's the difference between Black and White people?
Blacks don't need N-Word Passes.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?
Mom: No, that's impossible.
Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?
Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.
Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Why don't orphans do homework?
They don't have a home to do it in.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.