Dog

Dog jokes

Shit

A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"

Nose

Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?

Memes

Mum

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

Vet

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

People

What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?

They both eat from trash.

Family

A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.

Penis

What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.

Animal

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

Parent

Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!

Cat

The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...

The cat still died, why?

It had a Catastrophic Catcident.

Bitch

You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.

The female ones are called "bitch."

Stereotype

How do you know an abo robbed your house?

The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.