Dog jokes

- What do you call a dog that can do magic?

- A labracadabrador.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?

A boomboxer.

How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?

'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.

Dogs are better relationship partners than you. Wanna know why? They're loyal, patient, love unconditionally, smart. Traits you clearly lack, you cheating ass bitch.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What did the skeleton say to his dog at dinner time? Bone appétit!

What kind of dogs do miners like best?

Golden retrievers, haha, get it?

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

What did the female dog say to the mirror?

Hi, bitch!

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

What do royals and hot dogs have in common?

They're usually in bread.

Why did the dog cross the road?

It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

What do you call a suspicious dog?

A sussy bark-er.

What do dogs and lesbian women have in common?

They're both lickers and called a bitch.

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.