Dog jokes
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Did you adopt your dog?
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
Memes
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
What is a Finnish Spitz's favorite comedian?
Redd Foxx.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching