Dog jokes
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
What's the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
Did you adopt your dog?
A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog!
What da dog doin'?
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why do dogs lick their balls? Because they can.
If your hot dog tastes like a piece of wood, who are you going to call?
"Ghost Musterd."
What is a Finnish Spitz's favorite comedian?
Redd Foxx.
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"
"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."
"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"
"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."
What's the similarity between dogs and poor people?
They both eat from trash.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
A girl said she liked dogs. I called her a bitch.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What’s white and sticky? A white man's penis after taking care of his neighbor's dog.