Dog jokes
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
LOL. THE DOG IS SO CUTE.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.
A family had a very disobedient dog. It would bite the children’s hands when they pet the animal, the dog would piss on everything, and it would chew their shoes. This is why it was adopted.
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
"A N N O Y I N G - D O G - R O B - Y O U R - S A F E."
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
The cat ran across the road when the car swerved. It killed a bear that killed a dog that killed a squirrel that killed a nut. The cat survived it all. The cat killed the squirrel and the bear with the car...
The cat still died, why?
It had a Catastrophic Catcident.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
What comment did the United States Senator Kamla Harris make when one of her 64% blue dog democrat constituents called her incompetent?
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits!"
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!