Dog jokes
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
What do you call a dog wearing a beret?
Smeargle!
I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.
What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.
Why did the dog cross the road?
It didn't. Got hit by a car on the way to the other side.
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."
Chihuahua?
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
People say dogs are like their owners. So true. My dog keeps on running into the street as if she doesn't care about her life.
I don't care about her life either hahahaha!! :)
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."