DOE jokes
What does Trump stand for?
Trump Runs Underneath My Penis.
If Tim goes to heaven and Tom goes to hell, where does Tam go?
Up your ass.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
What does the "W" stand for in Africa?
Water. Too bad there's no "W" in Africa.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
*Boy:* 6.
*Principal:* 6+6.
*Boy:* 12.
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Boy:* Legs.
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Boy:* Pockets.
*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Boy:* Coconut.
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*Boy:* Tent.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Boy:* Nose.
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Boy:* Arrow.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Boy:* Fork.
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Boy:* Surname.
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Boy:* Heart.
*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?
A: IHOP.
