DOE jokes
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
Memes
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Little Johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over. As she does, she is met by the principal. They go into his office and the principal says, "Your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." The mother responds, "He is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? Bring him in here." A boy walks in, and Johnny's mother says, "This isn't my son, bring him in here, I would like a word with him." The principal replies, "Ma'am, this is Clouds." The mother faints.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.
What pronouns does Michael Jackson use? Hee/hee.
Why does Saturn have a ring?
Because God liked it, so he put a ring on it.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
An irrel-elephant ;)
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.