DOE jokes

What is yellow and does not float well?

A school bus.

What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?

You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.

But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!

What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?

A home button.

My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:

I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!

Why does the large dildo not have any friends?

He's a pain in the ass.

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"

Everyone: What does NASA mean?

NASA's response: National Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Everyone: What does NASA mean?

Arinator's response: National Ariana and Space Ariana.

I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?

A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

Why do US suck at chess? We lost both our towers.

Why is England so good at chess? They still have their queen.

Why does Russia suck at chess? They only have pawns.

What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?

Both stare off into space.

How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?

She closes the car door.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.

What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?

Duhhuuughhhr.

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?

'Cuz he's the Father!!!