DOE jokes
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
Answer: a selfie.
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What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop!
Memes
What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?
"Orange is the new black."
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
So my dad tells these jokes and someone posted one on this website so...
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb? 101, one to hold the light bulb and 100 to spin the house.
There’s also one about a bowling ball in a bath tub he hasn’t told me that though. I'll research that.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.