DOE jokes
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
Why does everyone call me racist?
My shadow is black.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two; 1 to screw it in, and the other to suck my dick.
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”