DOE jokes
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Does anyone else just randomly build a lantern at 9:30pm
What does Joe Biden say to young girls when he leaves the room?
"Smell ya later!"
Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What does a Foreigner say when he comes to America?
"You're as cold as I.C.E. You're willing to sacrifice brown lives..."
How does a rapper apologize?
With a rap-ology!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
What does the 'w' in Africa stand for? Water.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them, with fuck.
In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?
Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.