DOE jokes

What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?

A hurri-CANE.

What does a skeleton tile his roof with? Shingles!

What does a cow use in school? A cowculator.

Video games don't make people violent, lag does.

Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?

He should just go to his mom and dad!

What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.

What does an orphan call a family photo?

A wishlist.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?

Little boys' pants are half off!

How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?

Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.

What does an astronaut call his ex from space?

SpaceX.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"

How many times does 47 fit into 9?

Get in the van and find out.

So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

What does Hellen Keller call her dog?

"NAUSHFBUYGWF"

What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?

I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...

What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.

That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)

What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?

Yours.

What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?

They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.