DOE jokes
Michael doesn’t fart. Jackson does.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?
To get to the other side.
Does my half eaten second last meal yesterday look tasty?
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
What does Michael Jackson like?
Teabags.
What does a gas grenade and a baby have in common?
They both squeal when you throw them.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
Why does an orphan hate playing baseball?
Because it has no home base.
I made a website for orphans.
It does not have a home page.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
Why does the army take orphans as fighter jet pilots?
Because homing missiles don’t work on them.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How does a terrorist feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane."
My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?
My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...
Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.
*Everyone Looks at me*