I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
DOE Jokes
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
What does Hellen Keller call her dog?
"NAUSHFBUYGWF"
What does a foreigner say when he comes to America?
I don't know, I don't speak foreignish...
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Why does Michael Jackson like to shop at Walmart?
Little boys' pants are half off!
