DOE jokes
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.
Demon: Why you sad?
Guy: I’m in hell, can’t you see?
Demon: Well, we have fun here at hell.
Guy: Really? Nice.
Demon: We do sleeping in on Mondays.
Guy: OoOoOo
Demon: Tuesdays we swim in our lava or dive in fire. If you die, you’re already dead ☠️
Guy: Ok, does that mean I’m a ghost?
Demon: No, you're not a ghost.
Demon: Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺
Guy: Ooooooo, I can’t wait 😜
Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die, and you're already dead, remember that?
Guy: Ok, but I am dead, and if I die again, I was already dead, right?
Demon: Yup.
Demon: I have a question: Are you gay, and do you like kissing fire girls, and if you die, you are already dead?
Guy: Ummm, I am not gay, and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱
Demon: Then you won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday, heheh.
Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell 🪦🏴☠️☠️☠️💀
Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
What does the Titanic sell most?
Icebreakers.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
What does an orphan wish they could do?
Wish happy Mother's Day and Father's Day.
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
How does a rapper start a race?
With a ready, set, FLOW!
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"