DOE Jokes

Orphan

Q: What does an orphan call a selfie of themself?

A: A family portrait.

Orphanage

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

Octopus

What do you call 2 octopuses that look the same? Identical!

Where does an octopus put its money? In an octo-purse!

War

How does an American know that his time has come?

He starts hearing Vietnamese.

Homeless Guy

How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

NASA

Why does NASA only serve Coke?

Because they can't get Seven-Up!

  • 6
  • Bible

    What does the Bible stand for?

    Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

  • 2
  • Priest

    Why does a penis taste like octopus 🐙?

    Stupid question 😒 🙄 even the catholic church ⛪ 🙏 knows that one.

    Suicide hotline

    Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

    The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

    The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

    Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

    A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

    "Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

    "My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

    "I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

    "I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

    Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

    "Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

    Finger Gun

    When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

  • 0
  • Jedi

    Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?

    If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.