DOE jokes
What kind of cigarettes does a hippie smoke?
Yours.
When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?
When it’s intersected by a plane.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
What does Michael Jackson and a Playstation have in common?
They're both made of plastic and children turn them on.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
What does a Chinese man say to his partner when having sex?
"Ching Chong Soc Mai Ding Dong"
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
🤔 What does BLM stand for? Blacks Love Masturbation 💘 💘 💘 💘 ☺ 😀 👍 👍
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.