DOE jokes
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
What kind of book does cheese read at a church?
The Hole-y Bible.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
What does Chainsaw Man's chainsaw say as he chases a black person?
"Runnnnigernigernigerniger..."
Where does Bin Laden keep his CDs?
In Iraq.
What does BLM stand for?
Bisexual Lives Matter.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it's not 53, 'cause my basement's still dark.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What’s the difference between a suicide bomber and a feminist? A suicide bomber actually does something when triggered.
Q: Why does an orphan do badly at Baseball?
A: Because they can't find home.
Which brand of underwear does Thor wear?
Asgard.
Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.