DOE jokes
Why does the orphan do robberies?
Because he wants to be wanted.
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
What does a Chinese guy say to his lover? “You’re the ying to my yang!”
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.