DOE jokes
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? Snap-on tools.
Why does an orphan wanna be a criminal?
Because they wanna be wanted.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
An emo girl dyed her hair red.
Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
Why does Yoda like to get molested? Because he likes the Force.
How do you suck a dick?
Stick it down your throat like Nicholas does with Dennis.
How many victims does Shaw have?
We don’t know yet. It’s four years and counting.
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
How does a cow do math?
With a cow-culator!
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.