DOE jokes

Where does a snowman keep his money?

In a snowbank.

Where does the resistor go after a long day?

It goes Ohm.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?

Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What does a pedophile call an orphanage?

A supermarket.

Why does the Democratic party want the Republican party to breed rabbits?

Because Democrats are tired of paying for raisins at the grocery store.

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

Bully: "You are so stupid!"

Classmate: does nothing.

Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.

What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.