DOE jokes

A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”

St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.

How many kids does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them. 😂😂😂😂

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.

Miss you dad.

Bully: "You are so stupid!"

Classmate: does nothing.

Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"

Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."

What does NASA stand for?

Not A Space Agency.

What does LGBTQ+ mean? Is it the premium version of GAY?

What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.

What does a Catholic Priest and a commercial from the 80s have in common? They both ask people, "Where's the meat?"

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw it.

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?

What does a 90 year old's pussy taste like?

Depends...

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

Why does an orphan play GTA to be wanted? 😂😭