DOE jokes

Bedtime

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Misunderstanding

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

Xbox

I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.

Feminazi

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

Memes

Lie

What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?

They believe their own lies.

Feminist

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Monkey

What does 2016 and 2020 have in common?

A monkey caused worldwide outrage.

People

Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?

He does not like roasted vegetables.

Cannibal

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Homework

What does a chicken give you?

Student: Meat.

What does a pig give you?

Student: Bacon.

What does a fat cow give you?

Student: Homework.

Orphanage

Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?

He should just go to his mom and dad!

Orphan

Why do orphans only have Samsung's? Because they don't have a home button.