DOE jokes
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?
The orca Don-tist.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They're both meat substitutes.
What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?
Mooooooooooo along!
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snowbank.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
Why does Darth Vader always choke people?
Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why can black people post offensive jokes about making fun of white people, but white people can't post offensive jokes about making fun of black people? Because white people have white privilege. Does it cycle?
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.