DOE jokes
What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?
None because they don't have a home.
What does a bouncy airplane sound like?
Boeing Boeing Boeing...
Memes
Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.
What does lmao mean?
Launch Missiles at orphanage.
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.
If you eat a clock, then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Why does Michael Jackson like Chef Boyardee? He likes the little balls.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
After getting in the White House, D. Trump gets a letter...
...from the Iranian president. He opens it and to his surprise there is a paper with a weird looking code on it:
370HSSV 0773H
All confused, Trump contacts the FBI and forwards the letter to them in hope they can figure out the meaning, but they weren't able to. Trump gets angry and sends the letter to both the CIA and NSA, and they also fail to figure out the meaning of the letter.
One of the agents suggests Trump ask for MI6's help, so he does and few minutes after a British agent sends a fax to his secretary:
"Tell your president he was holding the letter upside down."