DOE jokes
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
What does the donkey say to the other donkey?:
Nothing, donkeys don't talk.
How many dead slaves does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently, more than 6, because my basement is still dark.
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
Why does Apple logo depict 1 byte in the 21st century?
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
What type of flower does an orphan use?
Self-raising flour.
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
What do cows eat for breakfast?? Steer cereal.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.