DOE jokes
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
lol the best pokemon card ever
How many times does 47 fit into 9?
Get in the van and find out.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?
Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
Why does a brother love his sister?
Because he came in her.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
How can you tell if a Polish woman is on the rag? One of her socks is missing!
What danger does this put them in? Toxic Sock Syndrome!
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!