DOE jokes
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
What kind of car does an Indian person drive? A Pri-yas.
How many bisexuals does it take to change a light bulb?
Depends, are you AC or DC? However many turn you on.
How many Lawrence Welk fans does it take to change a light bulb?
"A one, and ah two."
Ever since convicted New York State felon Donald John Trump has taken office, the Canada-US border has been a mess of tariffs, counter-tariffs and boycotts.
And where does it end? I just got served a salad with 500 Islands in the dressing instead of a thousand. The price was the same.
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.
How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle.
How many Bay Street bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
In Toronto? One to hold it up and expect the entire country to revolve around them.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
How many audio engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
One, two. One, TWO. One, two. One, two.
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One (flips lens) or two? One (flips another lens) or two?
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
If a girl is vegan and she's dating a transgender person, does that mean she's eating fake meat too?
What does Meg do when she gets a cold sore?
She bathes in diarrhea.
What does a gay horse eat?
Heyyy!
What role does a leper play in the theater?
Voldemort!
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.