How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
DOE Jokes
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
What do Rapboat and Caseoh have in common?
They're both chubby.
Why [does] a tranny say "Have a good day" to a Jew?
He [is a] goy.
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
How does a rapper start a race?
With a ready, set, FLOW!
What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What do the initials "MAD" stand for?
Mothers Against Democrats.
How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just like hanging in the dark.
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
