DOE jokes
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
Q: What does a cat have that no other animal has?
A: Kittens.
What does a tuna, piano, and a tub of glue have in common?
You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
But what about the glue? said Bob I. I knew you would get stuck on that!
Your mama is so short, she does backflips under her bed.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one liners?
He can't do stand-ups.
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
What does Stephen Hawking eat?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...