DOE jokes
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What did the skeleton say to the other? "Wow, that song, 'Spooky Scary Skeletons,' really does send chills down my spine!"
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
What does Stephen Hawking eat?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Why does the sky think it's so powerful?
Because it's always looking down on us.
Does your shoe have a hole in it?
No.
Then how did you put your foot in it?
What time does the man go to the bank?
8 AM.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
How does an Indian open his car?
"Boot, boot!" (in an Indian accent)
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What does Santa say to 3 girls in a row?
HO HO HO