How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
DOE Jokes
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
Two cannibals were eating a clown when one looked at the other and asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
Q: Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
A: He only comes once a year.
How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 cause my basement is still dark.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
