What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
DOE Jokes
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
How many crack heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, there is no electricity.
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).
1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.
3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.
4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.
5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."
7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.
What is something an orphan's phone does not have?
Home buttons.
What part of the Earth does Helen Keller not have?
The sea.
What does a frozen loading screen and a Make-A-Wish kid have in common?
They both couldn't make it all the way.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
What does the drummer call his twins? Anna 1, Anna 2.
Why does the pancake team in baseball always win? Because they have the best batter.
What does a house wear? Address.
What do food and dark humor have in common? Some people don’t get it.
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don’t have mothers and Father’s Day!
