DOE jokes
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?
They’re both hanging in the closet.
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Their dad never came with it.
Why does that kid have to stay in that orphanage?
He should just go to his mom and dad!
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What does your head come out of... your brain?
What does NASA stand for?
Not Another Strong Astronaut.
How many babies does it take to cover a brick wall?
Depends on how hard you throw it. 😆😂😁
A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
Why do orphans only have Samsung's? Because they don't have a home button.
What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?
They're both fat.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
I was walking down Main Street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?"
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, especially when you're a furry."
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
Does Lightning McQueen get life insurance or car insurance?
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.