Doctors jokes
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?
A Panera med.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.