Doctors jokes

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?

My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

Because it had a window pane.

The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

What do you call a Panera Bread doctor?

A Panera med.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

What TV series do orphans hate?

"House, M.D."

I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.

Doctor: Oh, I see.

Me: Ahhhh!!!!!

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Doctor: You should stop masturbating.

Me: Doc, I'm almost done.

Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.