Disease jokes

I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.

My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.

Son (in a happy tone): I know.

Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?

Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

I respect cancer more than I respect depression.

At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.

"What did the blind, dumb, paraplegic, dead, eight-year-old child get for their birthday?"

"Cancer."

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?

"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."

Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food? His left shoulder.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite robot? Him as his shoulder/wheelchair.

How do you make a tissue dance? You put a boogie in it!

Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

A: Throw in some laundry.

The new pandemic is feminism and all kinds of democratic thinking. COVID is a joke compared to these nasty ass diseases.

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.