When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Why is Uranus so big? Because you discovered it.
How Jupiter was discovered.
Once there was a fat lady who farted yellow, orange, and peach. All that fart went to space and created a planet that NASA saw and went over there, but it smelled really bad.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
So I was mining off the coast of Canada and one of my coworkers found gold. I said, "AU, bring that over here!"
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
When you think your mom's a virgin, then you stumble into the wrong closet.
What's worse than finding 10 babies in 10 dumpsters?
Finding 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
Christopher Columbus: *Sees native Americans* Can I see your land?
Native Americans: Sure, just be care..........
Christopher Columbus: Boonk gang whole lot of gang shit.
You're so fat, astronomers discovered a planet larger than Earth but smaller than Uranus.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
