Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
What happens when a sink on the Titanic overflows?
It sinks it.
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
Before: Caring & Noble.
After: Chernobyl.
Want to watch Titanic?
No, I'm not on board for it.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
My friend had a house FULL of okra, but it blew up and okra was everywhere.
I guess you can call that place Okra-homa!
Where do you think all the orphans went?
In the World Trade Center, I trapped them in so they can finally get to their parents.
You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
It was not a hijack, it was Stephen Hawking.
