Disabled jokes
Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...
...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
What do you call a cut cucumber?
A guy with no legs.
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."
In the hospital, they need to keep the disabled patients' rooms cooler than the other patients' rooms.
Why?
They need to keep the vegetables cool and crisp.
My disabled friend rolled into a burning orphanage and saved lots of kids. When he came out, the kids tried to play with him because his wheels were on fire. They called him Hot Wheels.
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Did you see that Chinese man with no legs?
No, I'm blind.
Stop ruining my jokes.
Isn't that the Chinese man with no legs' fault?
It's not like He Go Ann Hi Weh.
So I told the officer, "I can't even walk when I'm sober."
Heard the Helen Keller single?
It’s called ERRRRRAGHHH!!!
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
I bullied a handicap today.
What is he gonna do? Stand up for himself?
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
There's a disabled kid in my class, right? Oops, should've brought my Hot Wheels tracks.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."