Disability jokes
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Why can’t blind people eat fish?
Because it is seafood.
Disabled man stands up.
Blind man: “You can stand?”
Deaf man: “You can see?”
Mute man: “You can hear?”
Disabled man: “You can talk?”
Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”
Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”
Have you heard about the new movie with Stephen Hawking as the star? It's called "Unplugged."
I raped a disabled child.
I think she's too far gone to repair now.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's toes on fire?
Hot Wheels.
Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?
Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD
Have you walked into Steven Hawking's house yet?
Yeah, neither has he.
What runs faster than Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair?
His Internet.
I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
I walked into the school for disabled kids and asked them if they knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes." Turns out they only knew how to play "Heads, Shoulders, Wheels, and Frame."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, but no one showed. They start to get real thirsty, so they decide to seek out water. The amputee leads the way, with the blind man pushing the guy in the wheelchair; and, eventually they find an oasis. The amputee leader goes into the water first, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he has a NEW LEG! He gets excited and encourages his friends to do the same.
The blind man offers to push the guy in the wheelchair, but he gets refused because the guy in the chair wants to be Mr. Independent and insists the blind man goes ahead first. So he goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, walks out the other side and lo and behold, he can SEE! Now the guy in the wheelchair's getting really excited, starts pushing with all his might, goes into the water, cools himself down, drinks a load of water, and wheels out the other side. Lo and behold, NEW TIRES!!!