Disability Jokes

Do you know where Helen Keller lives?

Neither does she.

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.

Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.

Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.

What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?

He couldn’t stand up for himself.

Stephen Hawking and his wife Siri’s favorite place to eat is Meals on Wheels!

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?

A: Because she's a woman.

Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!

Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special Forces!! HAHAHA

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite drug?

Battery acid.

What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?

Two people about to have sex realize they have no lube.

In their desperate, horny haste, they looked for the nearest "Downy" and asked it, "Speak into my hand."

Upon their return to the bed, they regretted it immediately because his dick just stayed down...

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.

Stephen Hawking didn’t die naturally, his carer just forgot to put him on charge.

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"