Disability jokes
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
In about ten days, Stephen Hawking's wheelchair is going to have its first and last service.
"Rueben Glover is a Steven Hawking spastic."
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
Who was the meanest man in the world?
He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.