Disability jokes
Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?
'Cause she always dropped them.
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
Why are you so tired if you can’t see? Because you are blind.
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.