Disability jokes
Why does Stephen Hawking have the voice of an angel?
Because no one has ever heard an angel talk.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
What's the worst part about microwaving vegetables?
Fitting the wheelchair in.
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite genre of music? Rock and roll.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.
As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"
What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?
We dunno, she ain't opened it yet.
Q: What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in their wheelchair.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He lost WiFi connection.