Disability jokes
Why couldn’t Helen Keller scream when she fell off the cliff?
Because she was wearing mittens.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
You're so ugly you make the blind kids cry 😭😭
What do you call a blind person driving a car?
Died.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
What did Stephen Hawking say when trying to talk to a reporter? Beep boop beep beep boop.
What do you call a disabled person drowning?
A boat.
What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?
"Log in."
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Well, if Stephen Hawking likes black holes so much, why did he call security when I put my hole on his face?
What has 2 wheels and screams? A disabled [person] I dropkicked down the stairs.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"