Disability jokes

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Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?...

We don't know; she hasn't opened it yet.

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast.

What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.

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    • So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

    When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.