Disability jokes
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
Dear disabled people, Just go into the settings and enable it.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Your mum stinks of disabled people.
Wanna know why?
I don't know either, you tell me.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
Why are disabled people screwed?
Because you can't run or hide!
A wife says to her husband, "You're always pushing me around and talking behind my back." "What do you expect?" he says, "You're in a fucking wheelchair!"
Q. What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
A. Cancer.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What do you call an army of disabled people?
Special forces.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
What's the difference between a seal and a special kid?
They both go: "Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh! Uh!"
Stop joking about Helen Keller so much! It’s rude, poor woman! You all just wait till she hears about this!
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.