What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
What's the difference between tuna, a piano and glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
