Difference jokes
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Q: What’s the difference between me and you?
A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What's the difference between leafmen and leafwomen? Palm trees.
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
What's the difference between Andy and acne?
Acne waited until Adam could talk before coming on his face.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?
Snowballs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?
Nothing.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.