Die jokes
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
Me: 911. You: You died 9/11.
Your hairline is so bad that the queen died when looking at it!
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
If Jeffy goes to an orphanage, he will die. How is he supposed to move?
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
My brother got his legs chopped off, but someone FBI opened my basement door, but it wasn't my brother because he died of starvation in the basement.
If Red gets voted out, what happened?
Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"
Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"
Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"
Lime, Green, and Purple run.
Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.
Black killed Red. Black is the win.
LOL
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
Why does Doctor Pepper come in a bottle?
His wife died.
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!