Die jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the wall and got unplugged.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Bully: You're gonna die.
Me: Hurry up then.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.
Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.
Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
Why did Ten die?
It was between 9/11.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Don’t you hate it when your teacher(s) say, “just focus, it’s that easy?”
And then you die inside.
How did Stephen Hawking die? Because he didn't charge his batteries.
Why did Steven Hawkins die?
Because he got a virus.
What do your teacher and your friend have in common?
They will both die eventually.
Man: Did you know pidgins die after having sex?
Woman: No, really?
Man: Well, the one I fucked did...
Why did the loo 🚽 roll roll down the stairs? To get to the bottom.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
You know what is the worst mistake every human being made?
Answer: Living.
Me: Help, I'm stuck in a trap.
Friend: What kind?
Me: It's called life. Yeah, I've been trying to get out of it for six years now, it just won't let me go.
Friend: That's not funny..
Me: Yeah? Nor is wanting to die, yet I'm still over here laughing every time I try to.
Friend: I'm calling your mom.
Me: She knows.
Friend: What's she doing to help, then?
Me: She's supposed to help?
Friend: Have you told your dad?
Me: I will when he comes back.
Friend: Where is he?
Me: I don't know, he's been gone for 15 years.
Friend: ....
Me: What?
Friend: Why?
Me: Why what?
Friend: Why would you joke like that?
Me: I was joking..
Friend: I know.
Me: Oh. I didn't know.
Friend:...
Me: Have a nice day, I'll see you tomorrow... Maybe...
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
How did Stephen Hawking really die?
His wife grounded him from using electronics and unplugged everything!