You: Say "addicted" after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...? Person: Addicted. You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted... *laughs* (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What did the Dick say to The condom
Cover me I’m going in😚😏
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Knock knock ? Who’s there? Willis. Willis who? Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!!?!!
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his Dick where it don't belong!
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son "Come on Dick, lets go."
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
..their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
skidaddle skidoodle your dick is now a noodle
What happens when you combine candy and dick... That creepy guy down the street!
Roses are red shit is brown get that dick out my ass so we can go to town
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? because they remind them of men's dicks
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar. “May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a brojob? because it's male bonding
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick
What is italian sausage? the dick of a gay italian
I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just viben, he was telling ever guy that walked by if his dick was bigger then theirs they have to give him 50 bucks long story short I walked away with 100 bucks that day
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob? the gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole
I was blessed with a 9inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now
How do you get a white girl to suck your dick? Put ranch dressing on it
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
