Pick Jokes

Dark Humor

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me:It picks cotton

Mia

What’s the difference between apple’s and orphans apples actually get picked

I made a website for orphans but sadly it didn’t have a home page.

Anonymous
in Orphanage

What is the difference between an orphan and a apple?

Well at least one gets picked

1
Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven”.

The first guy says “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times”. The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says “11 years and only once” and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says “20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart” and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says “How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard”

LABAN
in Adoption

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

5
Noddle
in Orphan

Cmon man, give the orphans a break with these jokes

No, not until their parents pick them up

7
Will de lad
in Fat

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don’t pick it up.

5
Osama Bin Liner

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb

2
ButtersMuncher
in Orphan

It’s April fools day. I’m gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids their parents are here to pick them up.

Anonymous
in Orphan

whats the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked

Anonymous
in Orphan

what’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? an apple gets picked

6
Logan Paul For The Win

The worst part about church is that you’re constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can’t the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Anonymous
in Animal

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

1
Mercy Shore

Hellen keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she’d ever read.

Cracra
in Michael Jackson

Why can Michael Jackson not play chess. Because he can’t pick which side he is is he on the white or black side

4
Pistacio
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you’ve ever tasted.

1
Chloe

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”

Tonkiemars

A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said “I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we’re there, I’d also like to take our relationship to the next level.” “I’m there” the boy replied. The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked “do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?” the boy replied " “I plan on getting busy all weekend. I’m not gonna stop pounding her till I’m black and blue. Give me the family pack.” “Sure thing” said the pharmacist. That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. the girls father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, “you never told me that you were so religious” the boy replied, “You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist”

Anonymous

Why couldn’t Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms. Why couldn’t Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms. Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her. Why couldn’t Sally pick up the box? (Friend: Some weird guess) Because she had no arms. Why did sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus. Knock Knock. (Friend: Who’s there?) Not Sally.

Anonymous

What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

“May I push your stool in?”

2