Pick Jokes

Dark Humor

Friend:How dark is your humor? Me:It picks cotton

Osama Bin Liner

In Saudi Arabia, our pick up lines are, Girl are you a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb

2
Mia

What's the difference between apple's and orphans apples actually get picked

I made a website for orphans but sadly it didn't have a home page.

Gabriel
in Orphan

what is the difference between a orphan and a apple. the apple gets picked

Artemas

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

LABAN
in Adoption

Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

8
Noddle
in Orphan

Cmon man, give the orphans a break with these jokes

No, not until their parents pick them up

8
Will de lad
in Fat

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

6
ButtersMuncher
in Orphan

It's April fools day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids their parents are here to pick them up.

Maciej Serek
in Orphan

What school subject does an orphan Love,. PE because they actually get picked.

Anonymous
in Orphanage

What is the difference between an orphan and a apple?

Well at least one gets picked

3
Anonymous
in Orphan

whats the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked

Logan Paul For The Win

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Mercy Shore

Hellen keller picked up a cheese grater, it was the most violent story she'd ever read.

Anonymous
in Animal

A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: ‘What the hell was that all about?

1
Pistacio
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

1
Anonymous
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.

I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.

Anonymous
in Orphan

what's the difference between an orphan and an apple? an apple gets picked

6
Cracra
in Michael Jackson

Why can Michael Jackson not play chess. Because he can’t pick which side he is is he on the white or black side

5