Chuck Norris once stared a basilisk in the eye, and it DIED!
Di Jokes
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(
Yes, the Queen has died today. Can the people of the world please finally tell Harry to stop cross-dressing as her?
Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.
Daughter: Mommy, what ever happened to Steven Hawking?
Mother: He died.
Daughter: How did he die?
Mother: He never got recharged.
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
What's the difference between my wife and a battery? I can't use a battery when it dies.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.
