Di jokes

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."

The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.

The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.

The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”

The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”

I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.

What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?

Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.

dont make jokes about the accident my dad died in it he was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia :(

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

What happened after Technoblade died?

Everyone got raw pork chop.

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

I'm logging out.

What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?

Baby Jesus died a virgin.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Di.

Di who?

See, easily forgotten.

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.