Deception jokes

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.

“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”

When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.

Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”

Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”

How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?

The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."

God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.

He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."

"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.

The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"

The old man replied, "You're the eighth."

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

I broke up with my RBLX gf, and I heard my uncle crying in the other room.

What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.

Qwen is a liar (sent with a dance).

I gave a blind kid a hand grenade and told him it's a beyblade.

I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.

It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Man: Hey kids, who wants milk?

Kids: Me!

Man: *unzips fly*

What is the worst thing your sibling can steal from you?

Your virginity.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.