Death jokes
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the ladder, son?"
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.
What's the difference between the Queen's death and Princess Diana's death? The Queen died in peace, not pieces.
I guess the queen ran out of totems of undying.
What happened after Technoblade died?
Everyone got raw pork chop.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
They say the surest way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
What does Diana stand for?
Died In A Nasty Accident.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
Suicide really isn't something to joke about, unless it's hanging yourself.
It's a really quicker way to die, and less blood spilled for your mother to clean up.