Death jokes

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.

I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.

You see a cat, it's dead, you are dead.

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

Kobe Bryant jokes just don't really fly well now.

Orphan: My mommy and daddy love me.

Guy: Where are they then?

Orphan: In the eternal depths of [hell].

Orphans: Where are my parents?

Random person: In the bed.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."