Death jokes
I killed myself, then woke up.
Kobe's favorite song was "It's going down for real."
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
I wanted to play as Kobe Bryant on my gaming console, but the game kept crashing.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?
A dead nun rolling down a hill.
Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and white...? A dead nun rolling down a hill.
My friend told me that he saw a yacht went close in to the yeti's eye, so I said to my friend, "Did the yeti kiss?" But my friend said, "No, the yeti have to play games every single day, or the yeti will die."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He hit Alt+F4.
I lost $10,000, so I killed my piggy bank, so I get a real pig and money which my money is fake, but the janitor said it is real, so I killed myself and turned into a real human.
What helped the Lakers win the Finals? Kobe's passing!
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Where do orphans have their family reunions?
The graveyard.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?
So he could be in a lovely family before death.
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
Kids- it's time for Dora.
Kids- YAY!
Nick Jr. host- Today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma.
Swiper- Hello kids, I am trying to find my way to Diego's. Will you please help me?
Kids- Where's Dora?
Swiper- She's under cardiac arrest.
Kids- Poor Dora.
Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING!
Swiper - AH MAN!!
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.