Death jokes

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in seconds.

I am crying tears of joy rn. I was wrongfully sentenced to death. They took me to prison to wait for my execution, but when I got there, they said that I was free. I asked them why and they told me that a man named Penaldo had taken my death penalty for me. Thank you, Penaldo!

Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

Are you a bullet?

*gets shot*

Poor Bubba got burnt up so bad in a house fire that the coroner needed someone to identify the body. So Bubba's two best friends (the three were inseparable) agreed. The first friend said, "Hard to tell, can you turn him over?" The coroner looked perplexed but did so. "Nope, that's not Bubba." The second friend said, "He's burnt up pretty bad, can you roll him over again?" The coroner didn't understand but rolled him over anyway. "Nope, that's not him." Pretty confused, the coroner asked, "How can you tell it's not him by rolling him over?" "Well, you see, Bubba had two assholes." "Impossible," the coroner replied. The friends said, "I don't know, but every time we went to town, everyone would say, 'Here comes Bubba with them two assholes.'"

What happened when the man died? Yes.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

What did one skeleton say to another?

...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

I put a Dalmatian in a washing machine and killed him.

POV: You're an orphan.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not your mom.

It’s raining, it’s pouring. The old man is snoring. He got shot in the head and didn’t wake up in the morning.

I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

Kenny was into incest until his mom died.

Now he's into necrophilia.

A feather and a depressed boy fell at the same time, which one hits the ground first?

The feather, because the rope stopped the child.

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

Off the nearby cliff.