Death jokes
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
George Floyd is the fresh prince of no air.
A person told an orphan to not move; otherwise, they would kill their parents. What did the orphan do?
It danced its a** off.
Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Your Nan is dead.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?
The corpse.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
Did you hear about the dead Italian chef?
He pasta way!
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...